Thursday, July 8, 2010

FEARLESS: Big - Week 1

This past Saturday I traveled home to visit family. Why do I mention this? Because I had some prime scribble time while I was there. I have a 4 year old niece that is very active with her crayons, scissors, and paper. She would say a shape and I would cut it out and we would scribble together to get it colored. I had already watched Connie's videos for this week so I let myself not worry about staying inside the lines or making things perfect. It was a fun to let loose... and I couldn't wait to get home and get started.

Life got in the way and Tuesday rolls around and I end up at the hardware store.. I had made plans to really commit myself to having a space to GET BIG!

We got some supplies - 1x2's and tempered hardboard.. and guess what it turned into..
A Gigantic "easel" - A whopping 6.5 Feet by 4 Feet.

That green square in the middle? That is a 8.5x11 Inch piece of paper. Yea.. it is BIG!

So thank you to my wonderful other half for making my BIG workarea!

Now onto the assignments..

I looked over the videos again before starting to work Wednesday night.

Tape up my paper..

and BOOM....

...Oh.. My... Gracious... big.. White.. BLANKNESS... I procrastinate another half hour before I manage to make myself stand infront of it.. brush in hand.. pallete of colors in the other..

And I make a mark... oooo.. ok... I can do this... I keep going.. Ugh. what a waste of paint.. NOOOO.. Go away you Mind Monster!!.. More color... More scribble...

At the beginning of each painting I feel myself not liking where it is going... but I don't stop.. I keep going...

So I kept on until I was satisfied with what I saw.. It was rather liberating to just scribble wildly.. paint dripping, sliding down the paper.. I didn't let those muddy colors stop me when they showed up either.. I felt resistance at first.. but the more I kept working, moving color, adding color.. the more natural it started to feel..

The line drawing I felt myself trying to work with it.. trying to get it to feel normal and free at first... but each time that Blank Paper was on my board.. I had to start over inside again... Fight the Mond Monster.. "This is dumb.. what a waste.. that looks messy.. your lines aren't even.. the colors are blending wrong"

That Thing was refusing to go away!! I had to keep going. I wasn't stopping.. Fine.. Blue doesn't look right. How about some light your lil A on Fire Pink, Mind Monster!!

The Line drawing felt much more relaxing and I was much more content with it by the time I found myself saying I was finished with it..

I moved on to the Shape Drawing...

Here - I chose a shape I don't tend to work with much.. the diamond.. No matter what I did to this thing.. nothing looked right.. at moments.. it would.. then I would look at it again and it would remind me of something you would see in a 16 year old's bedroom.. it reminded me of jeans for some reason.. This thing was dead silent.. I think it got mad at me.. I want to explore this one again most certainly.. and I think I know where it went wrong.. the diamond.

Upon showing this piece to my other half.. his first comment was.. "why a diamond? You KNOW you are all about circles!!" UGH! He was right!! What was I thinking? WHY did I fight my feeling and choose a shape I didn't feel passionate about?? I LOVE circles.. they show up in every other thing I make practically.. just look at my WreckThisJournal.. They were Every Where!

So in the end....

The Literal BIGness I still fought hard with.. this has always been a tough issue for me.. I find myself with two fights.. Mind Monster yelling.. and my utter Fear of BIGness.

The good news? Once I get past the first baby step of the Big fear.. I'm good.. then it is just hushing Mind Monster.. That thing has been active for too long, so I think it will just take more effort to hush it...

I'm so glad everyone has had such fun this week.. and made such progress.. I'll catch you!

Let's get better.. Get Bolder.. get BIGGER!


  1. i love how you worked with what appeared, what shifted and shushed that Mind monster up enough to just move on through... truely joyful! (Jane here from BIG!)

  2. Dear Karen,

    YOU didn't choose the diamond--your creativity--your muse choose the diamond for you. For a reason. This in itself is something so BIG--and you should bring that to light and see it--not just push it aside because you don't like the painting. The painting right now is irrelevant. Karen, you are going to make lots of ugly paintings. That's ok. Actually it's more then ok--these ugly paintings have something to say. The thing that I see here in this post is your reaction to your creativity.

    You didn't like the way things were looking with the diamonds---so you know what I say---go back and make more diamonds--figure out why the diamonds are not working---grow.

    Do you see what just happened? These diamonds took you to your edge. It's not comfortable there is it? Doesn't feel nice and pretty like circles.

    I'm not saying you have to become a diamond lover by any means--or that following your passion for circles is wrong. You painted this painting for a reason--a reason only you know---and it might come to you later---but those diamonds were no mistake. You were meant to paint them.

    And to be honest with you Karen--I think all of your paintings are incredible--and funky--and full of life. Including and especially the diamonds.

    Big hugs!